It’s so hard to start over again. Picking up the broken pieces is equally difficult and entails a lot of determination. I guess I’m almost done putting the fragments together and gluing them in place. It’s still fragile. It needs a little more time to dry up as I still go and search for the missing pieces. I can stand tall now though a bit shaky. Although there are still moments when glimpses of the past distract my silence and a tear or two is shed, but I remain standing.
A new person has stepped in or maybe fate has allowed him to come at this time of healing. He is also in the process of putting back his broken self. His presence allowed me to redirect my focus on building a new friendship and leave the past behind. It is helping me open my eyes to the world that is before me, that someone out there is in need. I have to give out the love I have inside me that never died down and hopefully never will. This new encounter is totally different. It is a test of patience and trust in the literal sense. We are oceans apart, so to speak, and he visits the country twice in a year. My impatience of not seeing someone you care about is put to the test. It is imperative that I delay gratification for a fixed period of time --- six months, the least. Trusting is likewise a virtue to reckon with because all you have to hold on to are the words of reassurance the other is giving. I have no issue regarding fidelity because it’s never in my vocabulary. The sacrifice is great and the potential for being betrayed is high. Unfortunately, the anticipated pain will be immense with a league of its own.
