Closing a cycle by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

I don't love you anymore

Your eyes no longer stars in the dark
Your smile now fails to set off in me a spark
Did these palm lines ever mean anything?
These days my world is missing something

I close my eyes but the dream doesn’t return
This once meaningful sadness
Now a mere blank wall
I write these lines to bring that something back
I want so much to fall

But the feeling’s gone
Through the front door
Of this heart of mine
The feeling’s gone
Unlike before
I don’t love you anymore

The sun no longer a melting butter sky
Gray clouds no longer a girl about to cry
I write these lines to bring that something back
I want so much to fall

(Isha)

How do you heal a broken heart?

I can’t believe what I just heard
Could it be true?
Are you the girl I thought I knew
The one who promised me her love
Where did it go?
Does anybody ever know

How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again
Tonight, I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to let you go
And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love
With his own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you’d never say

Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I have finally found
A new life
In my soul
And find that I know how to let you go

Independence day

The Philippines lost its identity when it was colonized by stronger nations. She was helpless and allowed the invaders to rule over her to the point of modifying her culture and way of life. It was not all tragic and ruthless, but it made her adapt and adjust to the coming changes ahead. The tyranny that wrought her breeds in a resilient and mature character. She played along with it, sometimes forgetting who she really was. She was promised a better life, but later on brought in devastation. Her heart was ready to embrace the new, however, their commitments were half-meant. On the day of June 12, more than a century ago, she woke up to her senses and finally found herself and true identity. She is not Spanish, American or Japanese, but a Filipino. Her day of Independence allowed her to rise up and show the world her strength.

Thank God, I did not have to endure centuries of bondage from the enemy, but had a taste of it for a little over 2 months. I willingly gave up my identity when I entered an out-of-the-norm relationship. My life conformed to suit its needs and demands. Initially, it was just performing certain tasks, but later on it involved emotions to the deepest level. I was becoming less of what I was before. I allowed my emotions to tie me down to my partner and got blinded by the affection he showed me. I was floating on air. Without warning, he chose to cut the ties. My face hit rock bottom, including my heart. The world we created is starting to disappear and I don’t know where to go. I tried to give it another try but he is walking farther away. I was broken. Sleepless nights followed that plagued me with thoughts of worthlessness almost stealing my sanity. Then on the day of Independence, a friend who was beside me all the time picked me up from the rubble and reminded me of who I am. A burst of light followed, then the chains that tied me down was broken and melted on the ground. I saw the real world around me and I realized what I was missing. A time spent with family, friends and other important matters were taken granted by me because of the bondage I got in. Now, I’m standing tall and ready to move ahead. It was my identity in Christ and the society I am in that made me rise up. Never again will I allow myself to be stepped on by anybody lesser than me. I will cherish this independence and will fight for it.

Happy Independence Day to all of us.

Back to School

When I graduated from singleness, my spiritual life went on a vacation that lasted for the duration of the summer holidays. It really wandered far & beyond what was expected, and even dared to cross the border. Soon it got lost and lived in a world created by my own fantasy. We were basking in the pleasure that it gives, until one was no longer satisfied leaving me devastated to the point of going insane. My head was spinning around in disbelief. My partner in that fantasy left me with a baggage that was too heavy to carry. I struggled to bring him back and continue what we’ve started, but he wants to try it with another one. He wants to create a world of his own without me. My heart was shattered trying to make sense of the promises he once told me. I was in oblivion, helpless and groping for air. I’m finding my way back but my vacation brought me so far that I couldn’t find my way home. I forgot who I was and losing my identity. Suddenly someone reminded me of who I am and what I am here for. Little did I realize that I need to go back to school already. I have had a vacation that went haywire and I will not allow it to happen again. Another school year of life to tackle, with a new identity and much higher learning.

Singled

It was a little over 2 months that I had been in a special kind of relationship. But it seems like it was longer than that. Every single day spent was really significant. I made sure that I maximize the moments with him because time is of the essence. Such kind of relationship either dies a natural death or cut short by unexpected or inevitable circumstances. Unfortunately, the latter happened to us and was brought about by unearthed issues, which was not there yet. A period of silence followed which led the other to let go. It was a painful sacrifice, probably for both of us, but such an event left me “singled”.

I remember the day when he took me in unconditionally. I impacted his life dramatically without me lifting a finger at him. My words just did the walking. His intentions were pure and his love was something that anybody would fight about. I feel so blessed that he ended my search at an unexpected time. The days that followed will always be remembered with a smile that I will carry through my lifetime. I guess the love that I experienced from him will never be surmounted by anybody, particularly in this kind of relationship. It just saddens me to hear the painful truth that he has an issue to deal with and that is regarding his discontentment. He had 7 relationships before me. All were short-lived. When I came, both of us were hoping to finally make it work and break the bondage he is in. We were wrong. His fear of being left alone in the future overcame him. The need to look for someone who will guarantee him security for his lifetime made his feelings of discontent come back. Now, I was left a victim. Shattered but remains whole. He was looking for someone stronger than him, who will give him more emotional support. He needs to be taken care of. Unfortunately, he felt I was not giving it to him. It really hurts to know that the other one is feeling that way, when all the while you were feeling most secure in his arms. I have never demanded or asked from him anything other than his presence. His mere touch soothes my soul. His embrace affirms me as a person. It hurts me to think that all this time he wasn’t feeling the same.

Being singled is much more painful than being single all through out. You need to learn to let go when the other one needs to go on without you. I will keep my promise to myself that he will be my first and last. The missing piece that once completed me will be looking for another to fit his. A large gap is left in my heart and will keep it like that to remind me that once there was somebody who filled that space.

(printed with permission)

Open Sea

Recently, they conquered the highest peak in the Philippines. They are likewise seasoned divers that are well trained and equipped. Every adventure they undertake is carefully planned, with all the necessary gadgets in place. They know the mountain and sea, and show utmost respect to it. In one of their trips, a simple boat ride to go over Boracay Island became what almost became their last ride on earth.

Lea, along with her mountaineer & diver friends, planned to take the cheapest route to Boracay. They set sail on a very small boat that can only carry around 5 people without any baggage. No life vest. Around 6 people rode the “bangca” with their backpacks from their recent mountain trek. They took the ride with little reservation; anyway, it’s only a few hours trip. Little did they know that what is about to take place will mean life & death decisions for each and every passenger.

Several minutes passed and they were off shore. The sea was relatively calm. It was a total adventure. They challenged the vessel & the sea. Suddenly, a wave hit the side of their boat. Few moments later, they were swimming in open sea and the boat they were in was capsized. Everyone was panic-stricken. A head count was done. They all swam back to the overturned vessel and realized the magnitude of the problem. They are now in the middle of nowhere. No visible shoreline. With the sun high up in the morning, there’s no telling north from south. Minutes became hours and still no help was seen. A glimpse of hope came when a large vessel passed by, but despite their shouts of help, they were left unnoticed. However, out of nowhere, a fisherman on his small bangca noticed them from the horizon. His curiosity led him to where they are and to his surprise, a group of helpless individuals were on an overturned boat. A quick decision as to who will go first was made. Self-sacrifice was the name of the game. No guarantees of return or help. Lea chose to stay behind with 3 others.

Their three other companions rode the Good Samaritan’s boat, which is the same size as their own. An attempt to pull their boat was made, put the rope snapped out. It was a futile task. They decided that he would get some help as soon as they reach shore. Little did they know that as they were on their way back they almost overturned. But fortunately, they were able to get help. While Lea and the rest of her companions stayed on the sea, flashbacks of memories of loved ones came to mind. They waited for more than 7 grueling hours without any assurance. Thank God she was able to tell us this life-changing tale.

I guess, my friend Lea is lucky she was able to survive it. Right now, I’m still in open sea. I have been here not only for 7 hours, but several weeks and probably counting. I know the rules and even say it by heart. Probably my self-confidence pushed me to go against it and hopefully get out of it alive. Problem is, I know which direction to take and the shoreline is very much visible, but I chose to stay afloat and row a little bit further. There are times that I change my course and row back to where I came from, but the current is too strong. Good thing the island I set-off is still on sight. I know that this boat ride of mine will not last long, because Someone remains stubborn of His love for me He won’t let go. I may be in the open sea of selfishness, but the boat I’m in is anchored in the shore of His love. I’m hopeful to live and tell the tale.