Singled

It was a little over 2 months that I had been in a special kind of relationship. But it seems like it was longer than that. Every single day spent was really significant. I made sure that I maximize the moments with him because time is of the essence. Such kind of relationship either dies a natural death or cut short by unexpected or inevitable circumstances. Unfortunately, the latter happened to us and was brought about by unearthed issues, which was not there yet. A period of silence followed which led the other to let go. It was a painful sacrifice, probably for both of us, but such an event left me “singled”.

I remember the day when he took me in unconditionally. I impacted his life dramatically without me lifting a finger at him. My words just did the walking. His intentions were pure and his love was something that anybody would fight about. I feel so blessed that he ended my search at an unexpected time. The days that followed will always be remembered with a smile that I will carry through my lifetime. I guess the love that I experienced from him will never be surmounted by anybody, particularly in this kind of relationship. It just saddens me to hear the painful truth that he has an issue to deal with and that is regarding his discontentment. He had 7 relationships before me. All were short-lived. When I came, both of us were hoping to finally make it work and break the bondage he is in. We were wrong. His fear of being left alone in the future overcame him. The need to look for someone who will guarantee him security for his lifetime made his feelings of discontent come back. Now, I was left a victim. Shattered but remains whole. He was looking for someone stronger than him, who will give him more emotional support. He needs to be taken care of. Unfortunately, he felt I was not giving it to him. It really hurts to know that the other one is feeling that way, when all the while you were feeling most secure in his arms. I have never demanded or asked from him anything other than his presence. His mere touch soothes my soul. His embrace affirms me as a person. It hurts me to think that all this time he wasn’t feeling the same.

Being singled is much more painful than being single all through out. You need to learn to let go when the other one needs to go on without you. I will keep my promise to myself that he will be my first and last. The missing piece that once completed me will be looking for another to fit his. A large gap is left in my heart and will keep it like that to remind me that once there was somebody who filled that space.

(printed with permission)