Long-suffering & unconditional love are the best words that will describe how Mama lived her life. She has endured several loss in her family starting with her husband (Papa) many years ago, more than a year ago with her youngest son, Tito Boyet, and last month her sister, Lola Digna. I know I cannot fully comprehend the pain she has experienced with the passing away of her loved ones. I know that she even fears the possibility that she might even lose her two remaining children --- my Dad and my aunt, Tita Mary Anne --- because of their health conditions. Above all that, she is fully aware that anytime it would be her time to close the chapter of her life. Honestly, I am not even brave enough to see through what she is feeling because I know I am not that strong to endure it. Amazingly enough, Mama Nitang persevered and lived through her life standing tall.
Well, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I think another ordeal that she has faced was the feeling of rejection. Old as she is, definitely she is at the mercy of the rest of us. All of us have our own plans in life, and I guess most of the time it doesn’t include her. I know she is not ignorant of the fact that she might be a burden to the family where she is living with. She stayed at several homes for a certain duration of time dealing with different personalities. I think it was truly hard to fit in and be less of a burden. I am a witness to that when finally we took her in. Most of the time she is alone in her room. Despite her severe osteoporotic condition, she manages to sit herself up, walk and go around the house. Honestly, that feat is accompanied by severe joint pain. Her will to endure the pain worked for good in terms of her health. She never developed any bed sores nor pneumonia for prolonged lying down. There was no major medical complication that arose while she was here. She was never confined to a hospital. Sometimes she manages to go to the kitchen and find herself food to eat. She does this because she doesn’t want to be a burden to all of us. But I guess she doesn’t have to because she has all the right to be cared for.
Despite the loneliness, feelings of rejection and the physical pain, she never blamed anybody nor said a hurting word. She suffered in silence and was ever clinging to God. In fact, she could have pointed a finger at all of us demanding to be cared for after all that she did. Such an irony that we who are able-bodied and strong are easy to blame others for their shortcomings, but Mama has all the right to be helped but never raised a voice at us.
With the life the she lived and showed to us, truly she remained to be a good and faithful servant. Her life served as a testament that there is no trial that is difficult. I guess whatever shortcomings we have or any hint of bitterness should also be buried now. Honestly, I am happy that Mama has committed her life to the Lord. It is a time to rejoice because we know that Mama is eternally enjoying the presence of God.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
Spelunking Faith
Truth is, I didn’t know what spelunking meant when I first heard it last year from a friend. I googled it and it simply meant, cave trekking. I had a taste of a mini-spelunking back in Hinagdanan Cave, Bohol last month. But when I got to Sagada, that word came to life.
I thought it would be a brady-bunch kinda tour with all the lights, stop-overs, guided walks, etc. At the entrance of Lumiang Cave, we were welcomed with centuries-old pine coffins hanging from the cave wall. We were given a brief orientation by Gareth, the cave-guide, on certain maneuvers to assume when inside the cave. Bottom-line is, to trust the guides.
First encounter was a small crevise leading to a small cave, followed by another crack with a rope leading to some 15 to 20 feet drop. Everyone was a bit scared and apprehensive. It was both a battle of the mind and body. When I took my turn, I tried recalling what the guide told us --- trust the guide. I slipped my body into that tiny crack without seeing where my feet will land. But as promised, a guide was at the bottom telling me where to put my feet and how I must turn. I followed without a doubt and true enough, the descent was easy. We encountered several rock formations, more crevices, cliffs, water falls, flow stones, etc. We even walked on cold pools of chest-deep water. In all these obstacles, the guide was always present showing and lighting the way. It also during that time that I appreciated the power of both darkness and light. When the gas-lamp was advancing too far, you can see the darkness engulfing the path infront of you as if was alive. But when you shout to the guide that you need the light, the burst of light immediately dissolves the darkness in an instant and gives you a relaxing feeling. The path that we are taking is always forward. There is no sense in looking back because it is already filled with darkness. Sometimes, you get off balance and acrophobic because of you realize the height you are in. But then, you hear the guide behind your back telling you to move on.
Suddenly, my life came flashing in my mind. I have been spelunking way before this trip --- the cave that is called Life. I believe that I started my life inside that cave of utter darkness not knowing where to go and what my purpose is. I have been groping in the dark, tripping on stones and rocks and plunging in cold waters. Then I saw the Guide carrying the light and followed. He said he is the Way and all I have to do is trust Him completely. On the first part of the journey, I obeyed like a child and clinged to Him tight. However, as I was getting the hang of it, I was slowly drifting away until I was covered in darkness. It reminded me of the time when we were almost half way through the cave that I was trying to wander ahead of the guide. There was even a funny and embarrassing incident wherein I was on top of the lead and the guide was far behind me. He told us to climb up the rocks because above it is the path to the exit. I was very confident because I’m the only one with the head lamp. I heard from behind that the guide was telling me to stop for awhile and wait for the others. I disobeyed and still moved on. The next thing that happened was, my hand landed on a pile of bat droppings. At that moment, the guide was already behind me and told me to go down because I was heading the wrong way. It was a humbling experience. The path he led us was a totally different way apart from what I thought was the most logical way out. When I thought of what happened, I realized that if I have no guide, I will be lost forever.
As I was crawling up that pile of boulders, it reminded me of the futility of looking back to the past. I tried turning my head to see where the others are and I felt my knees shake when I saw the height I was in. I regained my perspective and focused on what lies infront of me and what is ahead. It made me realize that truly there is no use lingering on past hurts because it will get you off balance. The here-and-now is what matters, most especially, the instruction of the Guide. I have to admit I got lost for awhile sometime ago and I was running around in circles. I can see the light but I kept on heading the other direction. What it brought me was more obstacles, more bruises and more pain. The Guide was calling me out of the darkness and His light was ever present. He never stopped pursuing me until I walk with Him again. I’m glad that I did.
The cave of my life is not yet over. All I need is a “spelunking faith” to complete it and come out to a place of rest that my Guide prepared for me. Despite the bruises I got from the journey, He will heal them one by one. At the end of the cave, an Everlasting Light welcomes me with springs of living water to refresh me and give me renewed strength. The reward is just but simple --- eternity with the Guide.
I thought it would be a brady-bunch kinda tour with all the lights, stop-overs, guided walks, etc. At the entrance of Lumiang Cave, we were welcomed with centuries-old pine coffins hanging from the cave wall. We were given a brief orientation by Gareth, the cave-guide, on certain maneuvers to assume when inside the cave. Bottom-line is, to trust the guides.
First encounter was a small crevise leading to a small cave, followed by another crack with a rope leading to some 15 to 20 feet drop. Everyone was a bit scared and apprehensive. It was both a battle of the mind and body. When I took my turn, I tried recalling what the guide told us --- trust the guide. I slipped my body into that tiny crack without seeing where my feet will land. But as promised, a guide was at the bottom telling me where to put my feet and how I must turn. I followed without a doubt and true enough, the descent was easy. We encountered several rock formations, more crevices, cliffs, water falls, flow stones, etc. We even walked on cold pools of chest-deep water. In all these obstacles, the guide was always present showing and lighting the way. It also during that time that I appreciated the power of both darkness and light. When the gas-lamp was advancing too far, you can see the darkness engulfing the path infront of you as if was alive. But when you shout to the guide that you need the light, the burst of light immediately dissolves the darkness in an instant and gives you a relaxing feeling. The path that we are taking is always forward. There is no sense in looking back because it is already filled with darkness. Sometimes, you get off balance and acrophobic because of you realize the height you are in. But then, you hear the guide behind your back telling you to move on.
Suddenly, my life came flashing in my mind. I have been spelunking way before this trip --- the cave that is called Life. I believe that I started my life inside that cave of utter darkness not knowing where to go and what my purpose is. I have been groping in the dark, tripping on stones and rocks and plunging in cold waters. Then I saw the Guide carrying the light and followed. He said he is the Way and all I have to do is trust Him completely. On the first part of the journey, I obeyed like a child and clinged to Him tight. However, as I was getting the hang of it, I was slowly drifting away until I was covered in darkness. It reminded me of the time when we were almost half way through the cave that I was trying to wander ahead of the guide. There was even a funny and embarrassing incident wherein I was on top of the lead and the guide was far behind me. He told us to climb up the rocks because above it is the path to the exit. I was very confident because I’m the only one with the head lamp. I heard from behind that the guide was telling me to stop for awhile and wait for the others. I disobeyed and still moved on. The next thing that happened was, my hand landed on a pile of bat droppings. At that moment, the guide was already behind me and told me to go down because I was heading the wrong way. It was a humbling experience. The path he led us was a totally different way apart from what I thought was the most logical way out. When I thought of what happened, I realized that if I have no guide, I will be lost forever.
As I was crawling up that pile of boulders, it reminded me of the futility of looking back to the past. I tried turning my head to see where the others are and I felt my knees shake when I saw the height I was in. I regained my perspective and focused on what lies infront of me and what is ahead. It made me realize that truly there is no use lingering on past hurts because it will get you off balance. The here-and-now is what matters, most especially, the instruction of the Guide. I have to admit I got lost for awhile sometime ago and I was running around in circles. I can see the light but I kept on heading the other direction. What it brought me was more obstacles, more bruises and more pain. The Guide was calling me out of the darkness and His light was ever present. He never stopped pursuing me until I walk with Him again. I’m glad that I did.
The cave of my life is not yet over. All I need is a “spelunking faith” to complete it and come out to a place of rest that my Guide prepared for me. Despite the bruises I got from the journey, He will heal them one by one. At the end of the cave, an Everlasting Light welcomes me with springs of living water to refresh me and give me renewed strength. The reward is just but simple --- eternity with the Guide.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
