Heto na naman
Nag-iisip, minsan nagtataka
Nasa ‘kin ang lahat bakit nangungulila, oh
At nang Makita ka
Ibang sigla aking nadarama
Pag-ibig nga ba ito ako’y nangangamba, oh
Nais kong ipadama sa iyo
Sana’y dinggin mo ang lihim ng pusong ito
Kahit na tayo’y magkaibang mundo, wohh…
Ikaw nga ang siyang hanap-hanap
Kay tagal na ako’y nangarap
Lumuluhod, nakikiusap
Ako ay mahalin mo, sinta
Ikaw nga ang siyang magbabago
Sa akin, sa aking buhay
Handang iwanan ang lahat
Upang makapiling ka, sinta, ohh…
Nang makilala ka
Ibang saya aking nadarama
Alam kong pag-ibig ito, anong ligaya
Nais kong ipagtapat sa iyo
Sana’y pagbigyan, dinggin ang puso kong ito
Kahit na tayo’y magkaibang mundo wohh…
Ikaw nga ang siyang hanap-hanap
Kay tagal na ako’y nangarap
Lumuluhod, nakikiusap
Ako ay mahalin mo, sinta
Ikaw nga ang siyang magbabago
Sa akin, sa aking buhay
Handang iwanan ang lahat
Para lang sa iyo, sinta
Upang makapiling ka, sinta
(by: Jay Durias)
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Summit
A friend of mine recently conquered Mt. Apo. If I remember right, it took them three days before reaching the summit. During the trek, they made several camping stops to gather strength for the long climb ahead. They encountered rivers, stony paths and dark lush greens. It was an ordeal. What’s amazing is that despite the physical drain, they forged to move on. It was around 5 AM that I got a phone call from my friend telling me that they reached the top. The pictures she took showed a spectacular view. What’s interesting is that they forgot all the exhaustion and they were basking in victory they attained.
The mountain that I’m at seems to take a lifetime to climb. I have tread stony paths much like what my friend had. During the start of my climb, I was by myself and was traveling around in circles. As the days passed by, I realized that there are trail marks to guide me during the climb. I was ignoring them before and now they are making sense to me. Now, I can see the view below, but when I look up, the summit seems to be far away. The second stretch of my climb was a relative success. I was seeing progress. It was the time when I hibernated from the “gimik” scene and voluntarily cut ties with people who brought me there in the first place. The best thing about this stage is I have “buddies” who constantly showed the way.
I was getting the hang of things and decided to travel alone. I got lost and the altitude was decreasing. I think I’m close to sea level again. To my surprise, I saw my gimik buds whom I left at the foot of the mountain. They were camping and enjoying themselves. They chose to stay behind and dare not to move on. I was feeling tired and decided to join them. However, I encountered a lot of disappointments and heartaches. I was in the brink of quitting. I forgot the summit. I regained my strength and saw that I have a mountain to climb. Now, I’m half-way up again. I left some baggage and the trek is a little bit lighter now. The climb is also an emotional pruning process. There were a lot of facts to accept and to reconsider. I was looking for affirmation. I got a lot of it from people down below, but most of it were lies and have underlying agenda. But the surprise of all is that even people close to you don’t even consider you a potential partner. Ironically, people that were set-up with me will even take the risk to have a relationship with me and magnify qualities I have to make me look good to them. It does hurt when a friend whom you consider have the qualities you’re looking for in a mate indirectly rejects you and does not see a potential in you. I can’t blame them because what I show them is the unattractive side of me. How I wish someone will break the walls I created and see what’s really inside of me. I guess that person is too much perfect for me and seeks someone who is as flawless. The journey is getting tougher, but I need to move up.
I guess I have to redirect this love & passion I so long to share to that special someone to the patients I see everyday. I have been doing it ever since anyway. I guess their “thank you’s” are enough to last me for the day. Good thing the “indirect rejections” came in this early before I start to build emotional attachments again. History does repeat itself. Another baggage to leave behind.
Chris, look at the summit!
The mountain that I’m at seems to take a lifetime to climb. I have tread stony paths much like what my friend had. During the start of my climb, I was by myself and was traveling around in circles. As the days passed by, I realized that there are trail marks to guide me during the climb. I was ignoring them before and now they are making sense to me. Now, I can see the view below, but when I look up, the summit seems to be far away. The second stretch of my climb was a relative success. I was seeing progress. It was the time when I hibernated from the “gimik” scene and voluntarily cut ties with people who brought me there in the first place. The best thing about this stage is I have “buddies” who constantly showed the way.
I was getting the hang of things and decided to travel alone. I got lost and the altitude was decreasing. I think I’m close to sea level again. To my surprise, I saw my gimik buds whom I left at the foot of the mountain. They were camping and enjoying themselves. They chose to stay behind and dare not to move on. I was feeling tired and decided to join them. However, I encountered a lot of disappointments and heartaches. I was in the brink of quitting. I forgot the summit. I regained my strength and saw that I have a mountain to climb. Now, I’m half-way up again. I left some baggage and the trek is a little bit lighter now. The climb is also an emotional pruning process. There were a lot of facts to accept and to reconsider. I was looking for affirmation. I got a lot of it from people down below, but most of it were lies and have underlying agenda. But the surprise of all is that even people close to you don’t even consider you a potential partner. Ironically, people that were set-up with me will even take the risk to have a relationship with me and magnify qualities I have to make me look good to them. It does hurt when a friend whom you consider have the qualities you’re looking for in a mate indirectly rejects you and does not see a potential in you. I can’t blame them because what I show them is the unattractive side of me. How I wish someone will break the walls I created and see what’s really inside of me. I guess that person is too much perfect for me and seeks someone who is as flawless. The journey is getting tougher, but I need to move up.
I guess I have to redirect this love & passion I so long to share to that special someone to the patients I see everyday. I have been doing it ever since anyway. I guess their “thank you’s” are enough to last me for the day. Good thing the “indirect rejections” came in this early before I start to build emotional attachments again. History does repeat itself. Another baggage to leave behind.
Chris, look at the summit!
Sunday, March 06, 2005
"Pagbabalik-loob"
What a way to start this month, “Pagbabalik-loob”, the title of the message this morning. After a depressing Valentine’s month, the only way to go back to reality is to re-evaluate and revisit oneself. I became so much preoccupied with non-sense thoughts about another individual, almost to the point of snapping out of reality. There were wasted nights devoted to thinking of what the other is doing and waiting for a text message until the wee hours of the morning. Energies that were supposed to be spent on worthwhile things were diverted to activities of no spiritual or emotional value. I was trying to make sense of it all, until I heard this message in this morning’s service.
A return to one’s self means restoring broken relations, both emotional & spiritual. Valuing old friendships & family, but above all, reconnecting to God. Once you realize that God is the only source of wholeness in life, we will never seek anything else to satisfy our desires. Single, singled or married, it doesn’t matter anymore as long as you exist to please the Lord and live a life according to His will. A genuine change of heart will likewise result in a change of life. The outpouring of the heart will direct you to do things only to bring glory to God, creative ways that will be a blessing to others. I see this “pagbabalik-loob” as a spectrum that will eventually lead to being a disciple of Christ witnessing to others through our lifestyle and not only with words. This is such a timely message now that we are ushering in the Lenten season, a time of reflection. I do hope we continue to practice on a daily basis this “pagbabalik-loob” not only this Lent but through our lifetime. It is only through this virtue that one can experience “wholeness’ & “fullness” of life.
“The unexamined life is a life that is not worth living.” - Plato
A return to one’s self means restoring broken relations, both emotional & spiritual. Valuing old friendships & family, but above all, reconnecting to God. Once you realize that God is the only source of wholeness in life, we will never seek anything else to satisfy our desires. Single, singled or married, it doesn’t matter anymore as long as you exist to please the Lord and live a life according to His will. A genuine change of heart will likewise result in a change of life. The outpouring of the heart will direct you to do things only to bring glory to God, creative ways that will be a blessing to others. I see this “pagbabalik-loob” as a spectrum that will eventually lead to being a disciple of Christ witnessing to others through our lifestyle and not only with words. This is such a timely message now that we are ushering in the Lenten season, a time of reflection. I do hope we continue to practice on a daily basis this “pagbabalik-loob” not only this Lent but through our lifetime. It is only through this virtue that one can experience “wholeness’ & “fullness” of life.
“The unexamined life is a life that is not worth living.” - Plato
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Moving on
Finally, February is over and done with. It was a very emotion-packed month. There were a lot of “almost” encounters, which ended in disappointments & frustrations. Looking back, it was a learning experience. I thought it was going to be a down-slope condition for my over-all persona, but rather it was a time of purging, molding me to become a better (not bitter) person. Now, I can say that I have no regrets with my decisions. I became honest & true. I did not leave anyone hanging in limbo. I made people aware of where I’m in. I realized what it feels like not being replied to and the importance of letting the other party know that you acknowledge their messages. I discovered it the hard way. I’m truly moving on. There are a lot of things to be thankful for and many people to appreciate. I almost wasted my time on something that is not worthwhile. I guess my real friends deserve all my attention. In the long run, they are the ones that I can truly count on aside from my family. I know someday I may meet the right match for me, but for now, I should be the right person. Time is not running out. Each day is a new experience. Life is how you live it. Live out your own dream and not the dreams of others. I have a unique journey in life. I better tread that path set forth for me and not allow others to bump me off. See you around…
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