Paving the way

I just don’t understand why God has allowed me to be alone until this time of my life. I have been living a good life. I became a doctor. I got recognized for my hard work on some occassions. My colleagues admire me for what I do. I never heard a very derogatory remark against me. It was all praises. I did my job well and even did extra. I walk the extra mile for anybody, especially my friends. Some would even say that I am good catch. But why, why on earth has anyone found me yet and would bravely say to my face that they want to spend the rest of their lives with me. Why am I still tangled up with the past relationship I had? What has he done or have I done that keeps me feeling so hurt and wasted? I have to admit, I really can’t move on. Maybe because I gave so much and loved someone so deep I almost forgot who I am, until now. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even know what I want to happen to make this pain stop. I guess it’s still so hard to accept the fact that someone you loved so much had the guts to fall out of love for you. It would have been better that no one has made me fall in love with them in the first place. I prayed earnestly day in and day out that God would intervene and somehow made him feel the pain that I am feeling. Or to cut the story short, make him love me again. I did almost everything so that he will have no reasons to look for another or need another. But I failed to see that it made him lose the excitement and eventually his love. I have read the signals way before he left, but I tried to ignore it and just decided to love him more. It didn’t seem to work. I guess I just need to find a reason to open my eyes that it is not worth crying over.
God has been good though. My sister was able to finish building her new house and she transfered in a few months. Later on they were able to sell it and now lives in Greenhills. The apartment in QC was being renovated and it was a total overhaul. An unexpected delay occured which left me living alone in a condo here in Pasig. Looking back, it was probably God’s way of ironing out my past to help eradicate any bit of memory I have with my ex-friend. Now either such place will never be seen or had a complete change from the past, so that new memories can be lived. I can also see it the other way, that maybe it is paving a way for something new.
I have every bit of my prayers and dreams answered. My becoming a doctor was never a passion, it seemed like an accident that happened. When it did happen, I just rode with it. It was a bit difficult but I survived. I made the best out of it and now I can’t imagine that I am now a specialist in a subject that I flunked in med school. Later on, when everything seems to have fallen in place, I slowly retreat and I don’t want to dare to dream. My aspirations are not very risky, instead, they are more realistic and low key. I just dream to be a teacher, no less. With such twists of coincidences, that too became a reality. However, one thing remained unrealized --- a partner in life who will learn to love me fully and stay.