Six days, to be exact, since I last heard from Cypress. No explanations, no alibis, no excuses. . . nothing. I was left in limbo thinking what went wrong. I'm fully aware that I did not do anything wrong or said anything bad. I was worried sick thinking of reasons why such silence. My heart was heavy & I have never felt such burden in my life for such a long time. I was getting anxious at this person who is not even my relative. He doesn't even qualify as friend, strictly speaking. But the fact of the matter is, I'm feeling this "something" for him. Then, at 11:53 PM of February 20, which was about 2 hours ago, I got a text message from him.
"Hi wanna talk 2 you personally txt me kung kailan ka pwede any weekdays"
I was just out of a badminton game with my cousins when I read this message. Actually, I obliged myself to join to relieve the stress I'm feeling. As if a heavy weight was lifted off my chest. A feeling of freedom from seemingly endless nights thinking of reasons why he was quiet. This relatively short message meant a thousand words to me and putting an end to all my anxiety. With it, a flood of emotions spilled out from my heart, and here's what I want to tell him:
If you're not sure with your feelings & not really settled with the life you want to take, then don't pursue it. But if you decide to half-heartedly go through it, please don't play around with people's emotions. I remained single for the longest time. I turned down every invitation that would mean meeting other people. I've walked away from certain friendships that may lead me to meeting "interested" people. In short, I'm very much resolved with my present situation that I'm a hopeless case. Then out-of-the-blue you came. I accepted you with no questions asked. You showed interest in the friendship. I did my share in cultivating it. With every text you sent, I made sure you get a reply. I treasured every single story you told me about your family, work & relationships. I maximized the time I spent with you, even going great lengths to meet you up-north. I made sure that you wont be inconvenienced. I was beginning to make small sacrifices, hoping you would see the signs. Then you got me worried sick, almost crazy, wondering why you didn't send any messages for 2 consecutive days. You later told me that you were so busy at work. I believed that. Then it happened again, but you were ready for another explanation. I accepted every single rationalization with full trust. However, what happened next was much worse --- almost a week of silence. No nothing. You didn't lift a finger to tell me what you were upto. I did not oblige you. But the habit that was formed during the past month is really hard to break. And now, you send me a message to talk you. I guess we have nothing to talk about. You have nothing to explain. I'm not anybody in your life anyway, and it was your decision to put me aside. I cannot force you to like me. The bottomline is, you should have told me right from the start that it's not going to work out. Well, keep your explanations to yourself. I need to move on.
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When you texted me about having a "major development," for a while I was afraid I'd read about you deciding to jump into a relationship. So when I visited your blog, I was prepared for the worst. I was pleasantly surprised. May the Lord keep you strong, and remind you that even though it's hard, you'll become a better person out of this experience (and the many other emotional challenges you have to conquer).
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